Episode 59: The Sweetest Devotion - Why Self Care Isn't Selfish Kathy Washburn
You’ll also love…
Ep. 21 - No Time for Self Care – How About Becoming Self Full with Elinor Harari
Turn “self-care guilt” into self-full choices that fuel real presence and energy.Ep. 30 - From Self-Sacrifice to Fulfillment: Healing Emotional Patterns with Kathy Washburn
Retire the good-girl script and replace martyrdom with self-partnership and agency.Ep. 36 - Shifting Self Care From Obligation to Inspiration with Amy Burnie
Ditch the checklist—build tiny, nourishing practices that actually stick.
Kathy reframes devotion from self-sacrifice to self-sustaining care—the kind that makes your love more present, your boundaries clearer, and your life feel like it actually belongs to you. She unpacks the research on self-compassion (hello, burnout prevention), introduces the oxygen mask principle, and shares why “being the good girl” often creates hidden resentment and disconnection (the “smush”). You’ll leave with simple, sustainable practices to move from people-pleasing and emotional suppression to emotional wellness, midlife reinvention, and authentic living.
In this episode, Kathy discusses:
Self-Devotion vs. Self-Sacrifice — why caring for yourself first sustains genuine care for others.
Burnout Prevention through Self-Compassion (Dr. Kristin Neff) — how kindness to self increases emotional availability and reduces caregiver burnout.
The “Smush” (from Unbound) — when your words say “I’m fine” but your body says “I’m not,” and how to dissolve the contradiction.
Self-Fullness (Tal Ben-Shahar) — integrating selfish and selfless into a sustainable model of care.
Six Pillars of Devotion + Micro-Practices — consistency, releasing what depletes, attentive self-awareness, reverence, self-serving choices, and perseverance (with habit stacking and the “My needs matter also” cue).
Timestamps:
00:00:00 — Welcome to The Self Investment Project (emotional wellness for high-achieving women)
00:01:02 — The Case for Devotion to Self (why “selfish” is a myth)
00:02:16 — People-Pleasing & Type C Patterns (how self-abandonment starts)
00:03:18 — You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have (sustainable devotion vs. depletion)
00:04:28 — Hollow Giving vs. Nourishing Care (abundance mindset in relationships)
00:05:06 — Self-Compassion Research (Dr. Kristin Neff) (burnout prevention & better decisions)
00:06:12 — The Oxygen Mask Principle (psychology of putting yourself first)
00:07:10 — Caregiver Effectiveness (why self-care makes you a better helper)
00:08:06 — Self-Fullness (Tal Ben-Shahar) (beyond selfish vs. selfless)
00:09:20 — Real-Life Self-Devotion Examples (boundaries, emotions, health, values)
00:10:36 — Good-Girl Conditioning (how identity fuses with fixing and pleasing)
00:12:02 — “What Do You Desire?” (relearning signals after years of suppression)
00:14:06 — The “Smush” from Unbound (when your words and body contradict)
00:16:02 — Pause & Presence Practice (quick reset for nervous system calm)
00:17:04 — 6 Pillars of Devotion (consistency, sacrifice, attention, reverence, service, perseverance)
00:19:00 — Habit Stacking & The Therapist Cue (“turn attention to yourself until you burn calories”)
00:20:10 — Service to Self vs. Short-Term Comfort (choosing long-term wellbeing)
00:21:06 — Start Here: Notice Without Fixing (micro-practices to prevent the smush)
00:22:02 — “My Needs Matter Also” (scripts for boundaries without guilt)
00:23:06 — Tiny Acts That Stick (one small daily ritual beats perfection)
00:24:02 — Revolutionary Self-Devotion (include yourself in the circle of care)
Connect with Kathy Washburn
To learn more about Kathy and her coaching services, head over to https://kathywashburn.net/
To schedule a free consultation with Kathy visit https://kathywashburn.net/contact
Follow Kathy on Instagram @kathywashburndotnet
Sign Up for Kathy’s On Demand Anchored Hope Course https://kathy-washburn.teachable.com/p/anchored-hope