Episode 85: When You Pay Attention to Everyone But Yourself with Kathy Washburn
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What happens when you're so busy showing up for everyone else that you stop noticing what matters most to you?In this deeply personal solo episode, Kathy Washburn shares a powerful memory from her years as a working mother, when just 15 minutes of undivided attention with her young son changed how she understood connection, love, and presence. Drawing on insights from philosopher Iris Murdoch and author David Brooks, Kathy explores how our attention shapes our relationships, identity, and sense of purpose.
She also introduces a practical five-day values discovery exercise to help you recognize where your time and energy are going—and begin redirecting them toward what truly matters.
Because self-investment isn't always about doing more. Sometimes, it's about noticing what you've been missing.
In this episode, Kathy discusses:
People-pleasing and self-abandonment
The power of undivided attention
Emotional connection and mindful presence
Digital distractions and the attention economy
Personal values and authentic identity
Self-investment through values-based living
Timestamps:
00:00:00 – Welcome to The Self-Investment Project
00:00:36 – How do you pay attention to yourself?
00:01:03 – Why attention matters more than we realize
00:02:03 – A bus ride that changed Kathy's perspective
00:03:00 – What philosopher Iris Murdoch teaches us about attention
00:04:23 – Remembering a difficult season of motherhood
00:05:26 – The need to be needed and the pressure to do it all
00:06:47 – When work and motherhood collide
00:07:37 – The decision to give 15 minutes of undivided attention
00:08:49 – What happened when Kathy truly showed up
00:10:04 – The painful realization about being present
00:11:21 – Why paying attention is an expression of love
00:12:19 – Understanding the economy of attention
00:13:03 – How technology competes for our focus
00:14:34 – We are what we pay attention to
00:15:16 – Living by someone else's values
00:16:53 – Introducing the five-day values discovery practice
00:17:43 – Preparing your mind with a 90-second sensory exercise
00:18:50 – Days one through three: Discovering what resonates
00:20:02 – Days four and five: Identifying your five core values
00:22:00 – Questions to help you live your values
00:23:33 – How attention creates alignment and joy
00:24:24 – The hidden cost of disengagement in relationships
00:25:25 – Reconnecting with yourself through self-investment
00:26:47 – Your invitation: Start with one small choice
Resources mentioned in this episode
Connect with Kathy Washburn
Sign up for Kathy’s Sense of Peace Substack
To learn more about Kathy and her coaching services, head over to https://kathywashburn.net/
To schedule a free consultation with Kathy visit https://kathywashburn.net/contact
Follow Kathy on Instagram @kathywashburndotnet
Sign Up for Kathy’s On Demand Anchored Hope Course https://kathy-washburn.teachable.com/p/anchored-hope