Episode 84: When Caring Becomes Self-Abandonment with Aubrey Schabowski
You’ll also love…
Ep. 83 - You're Carrying Too Much with Karin Del Maestro
For ten years, Aubrey Schabowsky poured everything she had into her students, believing that being a good teacher meant showing up for everyone, no matter the personal cost. But beneath her accomplishments were unprocessed grief, burnout, and a growing disconnection from her own needs. In this conversation, Aubrey shares how stepping away from teaching, becoming a mother, and receiving an ADHD diagnosis helped her rethink the identity she'd worked so hard to maintain. Kathy and Aubrey explore Type C behavior patterns, the hidden cost of being the responsible one, and how self-investment can transform the way we serve others. Together, they consider what becomes possible when we stop confusing self-sacrifice with purpose and learn to lead from a place of authenticity rather than exhaustion.
In this episode, Kathy and Aubrey discuss
teacher burnout
self abandonment
Type C behavior patterns
grief and emotional suppression
ADHD and identity
authentic leadership
Timestamps:
00:00:00 Meet Aubrey Schabowsky
00:01:19 Once upon a time: A shy girl who loved books
00:02:37 Teaching and the weight of responsibility
00:03:37 The trauma students carry
00:05:08 Finding purpose through human connection
00:08:02 The roots of a fierce sense of justice
00:11:33 When teaching becomes your identity
00:12:43 Choosing motherhood and stepping away
00:14:24 Recognizing the signs of burnout
00:15:19 The unacknowledged grief of teaching
00:18:10 Type C patterns and self-abandonment
00:21:05 Looking Type A while feeling different inside
00:22:09 An ADHD diagnosis at 42
00:23:06 Reclaiming creativity and authenticity
00:25:08 Finding courage to become visible
00:27:09 Making health and family non-negotiable
00:29:15 Discovering connection through community
00:31:57 Finding the courage to speak up
00:33:09 Standing tall in who you are
00:45:59 Advocating without sacrificing yourself
00:46:26 Moving from fear to authentic service
00:48:22 The ripple effect of using your voice
Connect with Aubrey Schabowsky
I am an educational leader, teacher workforce development strategist, and leadership educator with nearly 20 years of experience spanning K-12 education, higher education, educator preparation, literacy leadership, and community engagement.
My career began in the classroom as a high school English teacher in Louisville, Kentucky, where I spent a decade teaching, mentoring students, leading literacy initiatives, and serving as English Department Chair during a state turnaround process. Those experiences reinforced two beliefs that continue to guide my work today: strong relationships change lives, and every learner deserves to feel seen, heard, and valued.
After relocating to Rhode Island, I joined College Unbound, where I served as a faculty member, advisor, and later Director of the Transformative Education Pathway and Educator Preparation Program. In that role, I helped build innovative pathways into the teaching profession, led certification approval efforts with the Rhode Island Department of Education, launched a paid teacher residency program, managed a multimillion-dollar federal grant, and developed partnerships among school districts, higher education institutions, nonprofits, and community organizations. I am especially passionate about supporting paraprofessionals and other aspiring educators as they pursue careers that positively impact children and communities.
Throughout my career, I have focused on developing leaders. Whether working with students, teachers, faculty members, or community leaders, I strive to create environments where people can grow, contribute, and lead meaningful change. Today, I am building a Leadership Learning Collective focused on leadership development, learning, well-being, and community impact. I also remain active in mentoring, educational advocacy, mindfulness and wellness education, and community service.
My areas of interest include:
Human-centered educational leadership and teacher preparation and support
Leadership development and community impact
Literacy and lifelong learning skill development
Transformative practices, community building, and educational equity
Storytelling, creative expression, wellness, and human flourishing
I believe that investing in educators and young people is one of the most important investments we can make in our collective future. We each have a unique light to shine and if we work together, we can light up the world!
Connect with Kathy Washburn
Sign up for Kathy’s Sense of Peace Substack
To learn more about Kathy and her coaching services, head over to https://kathywashburn.net/
To schedule a free consultation with Kathy visit https://kathywashburn.net/contact
Follow Kathy on Instagram @kathywashburndotnet
Sign Up for Kathy’s On Demand Anchored Hope Course https://kathy-washburn.teachable.com/p/anchored-hope