Peace be with You
It is a wet, dark New England morning. I can hear the rain beat against the skylight that only offers darkness, even though it is 7am. I am grateful to be snuggled in a warm cocoon of soft flannel sheets and covered in colorful cotton.
Illogically I also feel smothered. Unable to move under the weight of the invisible blankets of dread, fear and uncertainty that also cover me. An all too familiar feeling. In fact, over the last few months I’ve allowed the clock next to my bed additional rotations each morning as I watch it from the bleachers of the mental tennis match taking place in my head. A backhand pulling me into the past or, more often lately, a flat serve pushing me into the unknown of the future.
I know this is emotional inflammation. This is what I teach others about.
What? emotional inflammation!?!
Yes, emotional inflammation. Coined by Dr. Lise Van Susteren and Stacey Colino in their book named the same, the term refers to the physiological and emotional state of constantly being on edge, angst-ridden, hyper-active, or stressed. Basically you are engulfed with a WTF!! feeling about what is happening in the world of you, while you walk on eggshells strapped to your shoes. This way of being can quickly become your “normal”.
Similar to physical inflammation there is a difficulty in pinpointing the source. And of course there is an inflammatory cascade that happens within our internal systems that can lead to a plethora of unpleasant side effects such as disturbed sleep, amplified pain response, difficulty concentrating, digestive problems, headaches, etc. The solution is often slap a bandaid on it - take pain medicine, swallow some Tums, numb with food, alcohol, Netflix. Or my favorite, ignore it in hopes it will go away.
Argh. 🤯 Please make it stop!
I allow the hands of time to whirl once, twice…twenty more times around until they pull me into place.
It is astonishing that I am so freely able to offer my clients the permission to be human and invite them to feel it all. How astonishingly often I withhold from myself this same gift. Can I give myself permission? To take a moment to just feel and process what my emotions are telling me?
Yes. Yes, indeed I can. For you my friends, you have a front row seat for this personal experiment.
What exactly is happening in this moment?
Oh, I see. My future is uncertain. I just moved into a temporary apartment over the garage of a very kind young family in a sweet little town of Vermont. It is like getting off a plane in a foreign country. Although I grew up on the east coast, I can count on one hand the times I visited the Green Mountain state. (I was always a Maine kinda girl.) Life is different here, and quite frankly it is the way life should be. No internet access while driving. People ridiculously kind.
What does it feel like in your body?
First of all, I admit I don’t love the question (although I ask it a lot). Connecting to my feelings is a challenge and I believe others have this same problem. (I will keep asking it, knowing these tough conversations with self and others is how we grow :) My body is filled with anxiety and fear that I will not find a home. My chest feels heavy.
I’m worried about the financial markets, mortgage rates and inflation. All the worry makes me queazy. Can my life savings disappear? (Hand me the Tums.)
Geez. Of course it makes sense that I don’t want to get out of bed!
Permission to be human.
As the moments pass the simple act of me acknowledging my angst begins to counter the suffocation of the heavy blankets. These fears, imagined or real, begin to wither and loose their grip. As they dissolve the peace inside of me rises.
What is actually true in this moment?
I am breathing. I have a roof over my head. There is the funny sound of my dog snoring next to my bed. My fingers move. My eyes flutter open. I’m able to lift the covers, sit up, slide my legs out to the side of my bed. My feet search for the the ground beneath me. Connected.
Just need to take that first step.
Research tells us that the physiological response to any emotion, positive or negative, lasts ninety seconds. 90 Seconds! As humans we choose, consciously or unconsciously to continue the physiological response.
Permission to be human. Granted.
The most interesting thing I have learned over the years in the midst of my own life transitions is that peace is everywhere, whether it feels that way or not. Whether we are aware of it or not. The world is blanketed in peace. Yes, there is illness, fear of illness, political unrest, economic uncertainty, fear of love, of not being loved, of not being loveable. All of it is present. And peace is in the heart of it all. Amidst the unknown, the chaos and the noise.
What takes us from peace is our charged emotions of fear, anger, and grief. We get ignited by the emotional charge and we remain in it. Consciously or unconsciously. Remaining in it can take different forms, such as:
All or Nothing Thinking
Over-Generalizing - Often combined with words like always or never.
Magnification – Blowing things out of proportion, catastrophizing or shrinking something to make it seem less important.
Shouding All over Yourself – Using critical words like “should”, “must”, or “ought” can make us feel guilty, like we have already failed.
Fortune Telling – trying to predict the future.
Rumination – Playing the same story in our head. The story likely containing an element from 1-5.
How then do we shift from these cognitive distortions to peace?
The first step is the awareness that “it” is happening. Injecting some space between so that we may choose to respond with skillful emotion rather than react with charged disconnected emotion.
It is the moment of noticing that we can invite curiosity into the story. Is this a new feeling of fear? Or is this a recycled fear that continues to rise within me? With awareness comes discernment and choice. Give yourself these gifts my friends, you are worthy.
Unstrap those eggshells. Peace is within you and, you are not alone.